Karen Jeselun, RN, CCM returns on KXXT Radio Phoenix on 09/22/2011. Radio show “Your Long Term Care Show” with Ralph Norman and Michael Anastos to discuss some of the questions to ask when looking for a caregiver.

Click on the link below to play the audio clip:
Karen Jeselun returns on KXXT Radio Phoenix

Frustrated, Anxious, Frightened, Uncertain…..

Most of the adult children we speak with are experiencing one of more of the above emotions as they are trying to address the needs and concerns of their aging parents.  It seems to all boil down to the same issue… WHY WON’T THEY ACCEPT HELP?

The reasons are complex and often difficult for families to sift through.  But the following are the most common statements of resistance that we hear:

1. “I have to save my money for you!”
2. “I don’t want to become dependent on anyone!”
3. “It would be more trouble to have to ‘get ready’ to have someone come into my home.”
4. “If this doesn’t work out, would I have to leave my home?
5. “I lived through WWII where we had to ‘make do’.  I can take care of myself!”

No wonder we adult children are frustrated, anxious, frightened and uncertain.  How can we more effectively cope with our parents when we know they need assistance?

First of all, having a heart-to-heart conversation may be beneficial.  Helping that loved one recognize the burden that their refusal of outside help is placing on you and your relationship with them often paves the way for more open communication.  The adult child can again assume the role of child and enjoy quality time with their parent, instead of being the main caregiver.

Another strategy that is often effective is a “trial run” with a caregiver.  When my mother-in-law and father-in-law returned to their winter home in Mesa, my husband and I “insisted” that they have a caregiver once weekly for a few hours as a “trial”.  “Let’s just see how it goes”, we told them.  The day my father-in-law died, he thanked my husband for the help he had in their home.  “That was the best gift we could have ever received”.

Sometimes having an outsider, such as a Geriatric Care Manager, come in can make all of the difference.  Even if a Care Manager makes exactly the same recommendations the son or daughter does, it may be more readily accepted.

Lastly, know that you are not alone.  Most baby boomer-aged persons are dealing with these very issues.  It really does help to talk with your friends and neighbors, just for the moral support.  Many communities and churches offer support groups, as well as resources to consider.

The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (caremanger.org) is a wonderful resource to locate a Care Manager in any part of the country.
For a complimentary consultation in the Phoenix area by a Villa Home Care Geriatric Care Manager, please contact us at 602-957-9300 or visit our website at www.villahomecare.com.

(continued from part 1)

Last month, you were introduced to Maria.  Just to recap, Maria, 84 years old, was struggling in many areas of her life, and her three out of state children panicked, wondering how to best help their Mom.  They involved a Care Manager in her situation. In August, we reviewed five roles for the Geriatric Care Manager:  Assessment, Care Planning/Coordination, Physician Coordination, Medication Management and Crisis Response.  This month we will continue with the remaining five reasons to partner with a Geriatric Care Manager.

Reason #6 Transition planning. Transitioning from hospital to home, or from rehabilitation center to home, can sometimes be a precarious experience, especially related to medications. About half of adults experience a medication error after hospital discharge.  When Maria was preparing for her discharge from her rehab center, the Geriatric Care Manager (GCM) noted that she was prescribed a new blood pressure medication, and her instructions for home stated “Continue all medications as previously”.  Since she was already on a medication at home to lower her blood pressure, adding a second medication may have caused serious problems.  When asked for clarification, her physician concurred that she only needed to be taking one medication.

Reason #7 Recommendations in housing.  Is Maria able to be at home?  Does she need some type of assisted living?  Memory care?  Maria’s Care Manager really felt she would be safe at home at this time with the support of a daily caregiver for a few hours.

The 8th Reason to involve a GCM can be a local presence for check-ins. This service is invaluable for those adult children who don’t live nearby.  A monthly or bimonthly professional set of eyes looking in on Maria can really bring peace of mind.  Maria’s children could breathe more easily knowing that they would be notified of any problems – as well as a solution!

Reason #9 is a GCM can act as an extension of the family in a professional role.  Maria’s son recently said “you become me”.  And that is so true.  But as I told her son, we are really better than you, as we don’t bring years of relationships (good or bad) to the situation.   Care Managers are very objective and can truly advocate for the best decisions for the client.

Reason #10 is that we all need help.   Navigating the aging process is not easy.  Often we face crises without any kind of time to prepare. It is OK to ask for help.

The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (caremanger.org) is a wonderful resource to locate a Care Manager in any part of the country.
For a complimentary consultation in the Phoenix area by a Villa Home Care Geriatric Care Manager, please contact us at 602-957-9300.